Women in Aviation - Female Techies

womenanddrones.com

An early memory for me was back in 7th grade. I was attending a gifted school that had some real money and we were able to purchase two Apple II computers. It was a huge deal in the early 1980s for a school with less than 100 students. Our science teacher was a male chauvinist pig. When we got the computers, he asked the "boys" of our class to gather 'round the new technology. I was already programming in BASIC & beginning to learn COBOL by that age, so I was super interested. I gathered around too, only to be shot down with, "Angela, I asked the 'BOYS' to come over, not you." Never mind that I was salutatorian. Never mind that I probably understood the technology better than anyone else in my class, and possibly even my teacher. It was clear. This was a 'boys only' club, and I was not invited.

In the early 1990s, I was a technician for a phone center. I handled home improvements and helped people install garage door openers, use their robotic swimming pool cleaners and program universal remote controls. Again, I entered a boys' club as I was one of 3 females in a department of 120. When I got the job, the guy interviewing me had the balls to ask me if I was "given any of the answers" to the test I needed to take because I was "'cute' and the guys wanted me to be in their department". "No," I answered. "And, in fact, you can plainly see that I know absolutely nothing about cars, but I do know a LOT about building homes (because I've been around it since I was a toddler) and a LOT about computers (because I was already building databases by this stage of my life) by my test answers, correct?" I got the job, but also got the whole..."Gee Angela, how come you don't wear short skirts anymore now that you're over on the tech side?"

Should that particular pig of a junior high teacher ever feel guilty that he tried to shoot down a female student's dreams, his conscience can be clear. In my 20s and 30s, I built databases for a paycheck and I loved it. I'm still a data geek after all of this time, but I've fallen behind on database development and programming after the initial push to get database technology online in the early 2000s. I can still build simple structures though, and that seems to satisfy our professional needs.

Now, I am an FAA certified unmanned drone pilot. One would think in 2017, I would not still be an anomaly in my techie pursuits, but I am. I joined a local group for Radio Controlled aircraft and because my passion lies more in the art and storytelling beyond the technical aspects of flying a drone, I'm still not a welcome member to the boys' club. I'm not mechanically inclined and most of these RC pilots are, building their aircraft from the bottom up in many instances. I'm in awe of their talents, but my passion and my technical aptitude still doesn't align with theirs.

I still have a lot to learn. Maybe one day I will be able to tear apart my bird and build it back up even better and badder than before. Until then, I'm still this freakish female who pilots a drone, handles all the techie details and has just enough aptitude to keep it aflight. If this makes me a pioneer, I'm happy to wear that label. However, what does it take to garner an equal footing in this world? I'm still trying to find that footing, and so far it's been precarious.

The Newest, Lowest Chapter of My Life

I have been dealing with chronic illness for 30 years. I remember being healthy. In fact, ages 16-almost-18 were the best years of my life. I had wheels. I was a good kid. I got a job and joined every club I was interested in at my high school to avoid my parental units and the daily abuse I got at home. I got a full time job. Full time school.  I was planning to move in with a good friend of mine my senior year and then the parentals threatened me with being a runaway and having a police record. It was their last-ditch effort to control my life and it almost didn't work. Almost. Instead, I got very, very ill. It was the beginning of my autoimmune issues. I missed the last two months of my senior year in high school. I missed out on my prom and nearly my graduation. I was an ace student and had no trouble keeping up my grades, even when I was very ill. I graduated with honors. I looked like a monster, however. It was a very nightmarish scenario for me, a 17-year-old brainiac hippie nerd who didn't feel anywhere near attractive to begin with. I looked like a monster. I will never forget going to the pharmacy and a little kid asked his or her mom, "What's wrong with that lady, mommy?" Her answer: "She must have been in a horrible fire." Yes, I looked that monstrous.

When I was a little, little girl, my mother worked for a bank in the south side of our city - the "bad" end of town. A lot of vagrants, pushers, prostitutes, etc. worked in that area. I remember being a little girl and asking my mom "What's wrong with that man, mommy?" He was known as the Boil Man. He had a serious case of boils over most of his body and I don't know if he was homeless, or was living in that area. When I was 17, I had become the modern equivalent of the "Boil Man" and I felt like a freak.

Little did I know 30 years ago that I would STILL be suffering from that illness. Fortunately I am not permanently disfigured other than a couple of small scars, but I do have my moments with skin crap, chronic migraines, eye and visual impairments, failing kidneys, pervasive infections, etc.

While I don't look like a monster anymore from the waist up (most days, anyway), I still feel like one. My eyes and head have become the new skin disorder. Vasculitis is ruining my legs. I thought getting away from the monster and my mother would cure me, but it didn't.

Today has become my new low. I turned down an HR position that I know I would love. I can't guarantee my health to this company, however. I can't guarantee my visual acuity. I can't guarantee ANYTHING anymore. I meet with an attorney tomorrow who specializes in disability. I hate that it has come down to this. I also hate that his paralegal was rude and condescending with me on the phone. I'm NOT an idiot. I've been a paralegal. I just don't know this area of law. I had a simple question.

I don't know what my future holds, and I'm frightened. I want to be relevant. I want to make a difference. I want to be meaningful. Right now, I'm just not feeling any of it.

Memories of Uncle L

My tios and the tiny version of me.

I have so many good memories of my Great Uncle L. He passed away ten years ago. I was just thinking the other day about when I lived with him and Great Auntie in Florida. Him talking me into taking his 1968 red T-Bird convertible to the store…and "take the long way home, by the beach, so you can find a boyfriend.” I remember thinking at the time to myself…A-I’m not looking for a boyfriend B-My car is already enough of a guy magnet…not sure I want an even more guy magnet-ish car!!…and C-I need a hot car to find a boyfriend!?

Too funny, but I know it was his way of trying to keep me in Florida. I was very, very tempted to stay in Florida too, but it was too expensive for a kid just starting out.

I remember on vacation when I was 14, Uncle L going to the mall with us, and I fingered this beautiful soft, pink sweater there. I decided it cost too much money, so I left it. Right before we left to come back to Illinois, Uncle L said - "Hold on, Beautiful, I have something for you." He'd gone back to the store and he got that sweater for me!

When I was small, he'd always sing "Beautiful Brown Eyes" to me. He still sang it to me when I was in high school, and my eyes were becoming more hazel. Every year he and Great Auntie came to Illinois for 2 weeks in October, so my wonderful Tia could see the fall foliage she loved so much. He'd bring his guitar, and we'd all spend an evening singing, laughing, talking, eating Cuban food. It was beautiful. He'd play a few songs in Spanish that my grandma and Tia would sing too, and sometimes my eccentric Auntie (I also have a story that I'm writing about her and how I became a hippie the summer I turned 3--about the same age I am in the photo--because of her. It's outlined in my personal journal, so I'll post it soon.) and my mom would know the songs too.

Partially because of my uncle, I have a profound love of music. He got me listening to Julio Iglesias and Marty Robbins. He got me interested in trying to pick out tunes on a guitar. He got me interested in cumbia, chicha and salsa music.

Speaking of my own guy magnet car – my '65 Mercury Comet – it probably didn’t hurt that my friends were all so beautiful. Maybe they were the guy magnets, not my Baby Comet. Maybe it was just the great combination of hot girls in a hot car. I remember the ex-husband and I drag racing against each other in the New Mexico desert. Baby Comet didn't have quite the pick-up that our '92 Mustang 5.0 Litre did, but she kicked ass in the long haul. I can't remember if the speedometer went to 120 or 140, but I know I pushed 120 mph on those long stretches of desert road where you could see for miles and miles, but would never see a single other car.

Yes...I'm a chick. And I think cars are hot. What can I say? Even now I love my little Nissan Juke. It looks like a Volkswagen Beetle and an SUV had a love child and it has its fair share of power. I don't live life in the fast lane anymore, but I still could...if I wanted to. And, no worries Uncle L. I found a boyfriend. After 24 years, I think I'll keep him!

Tripping the Road Fantastic: Where I Found my 3/4 Shimmy

Life. What a weird companion. Hubs and I have been taking road trips all summer long. We've been to Chicago twice, Iowa twice, Indiana, Kentucky and I even took a long trip to Tennessee.

We just got back from what might be the last road trip of the summer. Our second trip to Iowa where we went to Newton to see Grand Funk Railroad (GFR). Back in the 1990s, even before we were married, hubs and I were GFR groupies. I think a lot of why we fell in love has to do with music. When hubs learned that I had GFR in my vinyl collection, despite the fact GFR hadn't had a hit since I was a little girl, I think that set our fate. 

Here we were last night--an old married couple at The Iowa Speedway in Newton. We didn't even know there was a big race with careers and sponsorships in the cross-hairs of our road trip. All we knew was, hell yeah--GFR is still touring! And they are within driving distance!

Because we weren't so much into the race and just wanted to see the last part of it before the rock concert, we arrived an hour late. The ticket booth was closed but the security folks waved us in with the condition they check my purse. Sure! But, what about the concert?

What about it, indeed. No charge to see one of hubs' all-time favorite bands and a band I also love very much (plus we enjoyed the end to an exciting and very loud race). Of course, we knew every song. The energy from the band was more than contagious--I'm impressed that they were so dynamic for such a small show. We were practically front row--maybe 3 rows back and we saw everything, making sure to stand on the side with the keyboards (me) and bass guitar (hubs). The band genuinely looked thrilled to still be out there, doing what they loved, no matter the size of the crowd, and they were fantastic. My gimpy ankle and failing back couldn't help but dance. And...I finally found my 3/4 shimmy. It's a belly dance thing that has taken me two years to figure out. Apparently I am rehearsing to the wrong genre of music and I need some good old early 1970s Detroit rock 'n roll and alt-blues to set me straight. One of my early instructors told me that when I got that 3/4 shimmy, I would wonder how I didn't realize how simple it was to do in the first place. She's right.

I wonder if it is a metaphor for life, too. I think we make life far more complicated than it needs to be. I know I do. Where I need to be right now is writing, dancing, spending time with the people I love, creating, centering, making a peaceful and loving environment for everyone I meet, and being genuine. Pure living. Part of my simplification process began a couple of years ago, but was reinforced very recently, too. I'm spending more time writing (blogging too!) than on social media. I'm spending time with people I love and who love me rather than trying to impress a family that never wanted me in the first place. And, I'm being me. All of me. If I don't overthink all of this, and if I don't live too much in the past, it will serve me well.

I'm still full of weekend bravada on a Saturday night. Remind me that I said and meant all of this on Monday.

Eyesore

I love double entendres and multiple meanings to single phrases. It's a great literary device, and I employ it most often in poetry and titles of stories. It also has real-life application for me at this very moment.

My house is an eyesore to me and the outside world and I'm recently following The FlyLady's Baby Steps Program to get back on track. So far I've aced Day #1 with the shiny sink. I'm only on Day #2. It takes 21 days to make a habit, but I'm committing to the entire 31-day program. I'm not sure why, but these timed challenges really seem to work for me. Case in point, NaNoWriMo, which I've won a dozen times and the most recent Lose 'da Booze 100 Day Challenge that I talked about in last week's post.

Mostly though, my eyes are sore. Very sore. Actually, more like someone is grinding shards of glass or dripping molten hot lava into my eyes second by second. I mentioned that I suffer from Lupus and Sjogren's Syndrome. This lends itself to being more of a Sjogie thing...extremely dry eyes, unable to produce tears, high risk of corneal tears, etc. I live in the Midwestern United States where 42% of the world's supply of corn is grown. I literally grew up in the middle of a cornfield (Grandpa gave my parents two and a half acres from his fields). Guess what I'm allergic to!? Yep, you betcha. Corn. It doesn't get terribly bad until it tassels (ironically, I walked beans and detasseled corn when I was a girl) but for the past several years, I've experienced severe eye problems from late July through September. I'm doing my best to keep my visual acuity in tact this year. I'm still pretty uncomfortable, but here are a few things that have helped me:

• Moisture chamber glasses (I ordered mine from EyeEco and I chose them because you add water to the filters to give extra hydration.) A word of caution--the lenses scratch quickly, the glasses tend to give me a migraine if I wear them too long and I'm having trouble keeping the screws that hold the arms in tight enough. The positives are that I can get about two hours extra use from my eyes on a daily basis and my eyes are definitely more comfortable when I'm wearing them several hours per day. Another side note: they are FUGLY. If you are into the hipster look, they fit in! The benefits of these BCGs outweigh the detractions.
• OTC lubricant eye drops, gels and ointments. I would truthfully not be able to use my eyes at all without these godsends. I have no favorite brand. In fact, I found if I rotate the brands and types throughout the day, I have slightly more success than if I just stick to a single brand and type. I have to add drops every half hour or more right now. Oddly, in the winter when it is so much dryer, I can get by with a lot fewer drops. If you would like to try eye drops, look for the ones without preservatives. Certain preservatives cause allergies that are a contraindication of the intent.
• Cod liver oil. Seriously! It's messy, but so much cheaper than OTC drops. I put mine in a small glass bottle with a medicine dropper and it is thick like the gels and almost leaning toward the ointments. Because it's messy, it is not convenient to bring to work or when traveling. But, weekends and evenings at home, first thing in the morning and last thing before going to bed--WIN!
• Periods of abstinence from television and the computer. I'm a writer and a technology junkie, so this is a hard-fought battle for me!
• Rest. I rest my eyes quite a lot with a damp rag covering my eyes. If a nap isn't going to happen, I'll listen to audio books, guided meditation or New Age music while I do my own meditative study. I also sleep with a damp rag on my eyes. I purchased the nighttime eye mask from EyeEco, but it broke early on and it truthfully didn't help any more than putting a damp rag on my eyes. If you are a tosser & turner, you can affix the damp rag by tying a bandanna or something similar around your eyes to hold it in place. I also have been getting anywhere between 7-9 hours of sleep at night when I can.
• Hydration. Lots and LOTS of water. If you don't like the taste of water, add a couple of drops of peppermint oil or lemons, cucumbers, fresh fruit, ginger, etc. Hydration also means cutting back on caffeine and alcohol consumption.
• Omegas and lutein. I've been craving eggs and avocados for YEARS. Enough so that it has become a running joke in my family! I will actually seek out menu items that contain avocado! There is plenty of evidence and research pointing to the fact that these foods aid in brain and eye function. I also crave fish--especially denser, meatier fish like tuna and salmon. Omegas, baby. Omegas! 'They' say when you crave something, it is a good indicator that your body is lacking in some nutrient the foods you crave are abundant in.
• Reading glasses. I started using reading glasses before I officially needed them (I officially need them now, however!) because when my eyes start to fade (late afternoon) they get very blurry. The reading glasses don't help the blurriness aspect, but they do magnify the blurriness to nearer-to-legibility for me.

Note: I'm not a doctor, nor am I anywhere close to the medical profession. In fact, I wait until the last possible minute to see a doctor, mostly to my own detriment. I'm just stating what has worked for me. Dry eye can lead to some very serious consequences, including blindness, so please see an ophthalmologist if you're having trouble. 

I'm in the market for some non-eyesores right now. I'm babying my eyes, but hoping that I am so much more mindful of my eye health now, that it means I will be more on top of my housekeeping duties and my next challenge I think will be that 365 Photo Challenge that has been going on the interwebs for maybe a decade or more. Fewer eyesores and fewer bouts of sore eyes are on my agenda. Speaking of which, it is time to seize the day! 

I gave up booze for 100 days and the world did not crumble or self-implode!

Anyone who knows me well knows that I love whiskey-with a passion even. In that I am able to distinguish different characteristics of whiskeys and I know what I like and that I am starting to lean towards ryes because they are not too sweet and have a pleasant bite. Imagine my despair when I learned that a new Paleo-AIP lifestyle I intended to jump into meant no alcohol for at least 90 days, while I was going through the elimination phase. Giving up coffee and whiskey (in that order!) were nightmarish thoughts for me back when I decided to do this in March. I started my challenge in early April--my first full day was April 4th and I graduated on July 12th. I caved to the coffee cravings on Day 9, but thanks to Helene who runs Lose 'da Booze and her amazing, supportive FaceBook Group of the same name, I never caved to the booze cravings and I joined her 100-Day Lose 'da Booze Challenge.  (The group is closed and you will need to let Helene know your intent when requesting to join.) To be honest, I didn't crave booze nearly as much as I thought I would, but the times I was craving, this group was there for me in spades. I've never encountered such a non-judgmental and supportive group of strangers in my life. They have become my second family in the past 3 1/2 months!

Although I want this post to be mostly about what I gained from my 100 days of sobriety, I also need to tell you quickly what I gained by the overall Paleo-AIP lifestyle. I have lupus and Sjogren's as well as secondary autoimmune issues and my pain levels have decreased (though I do have a stress injury to my left foot & ankle which did not improve), and best of all, my energy levels have increased by a huge amount. I will be staying on a modified version of Paleo-AIP, probably for the rest of my life because it has worked so well. Additionally, I lost nearly 20 pounds! I have 14 more pounds to lose, but I'm in a healthy weight range again.

What I learned by giving up booze for 100 days:

• I am much stronger than I ever gave myself credit for.
• I am not psychologically addicted to alcohol, and the physical addictions might not have been there either, at least not as strongly as I originally thought--though I was craving EVERYTHING the first few days and had a terrible headache because I was also not consuming sugar, caffeine, flour, etc. (Hence coffee coming back into the picture on my 9th day.)
• There are so many people impacted negatively by alcohol. They come from all corners of the globe and many of them are high-functioning professionals who wake up every morning, go to work, have families, etc. The old skid-row image of yesteryear is not an accurate picture.
• You can do anything you put your mind to. Don't overthink anything, just move forward and keep your eye on your goal.
• The shame aspect is something I'm still working on, but as with everything in life--someone out there understands where you are and supports you no matter what. The shame was lessened a few dozen decibels when I realized I wasn't alone and that there were so many others who were experiencing a similar struggle.

My goal was not to completely give up alcohol forever. I simply wanted to feel and be healthier. I started the challenge to coincide with a vacation to Bourbon County, Kentucky. I am drinking this weekend. Here is what I note is different after graduating from the 100-day challenge:

• I'm drinking whiskey this weekend because I love the taste. I'm craving the taste, not the intoxication now!
• When I felt myself getting that warm afterglow of drink yesterday, I was happy to stop where I was. I didn't jump into the mindset that "more is better" because--it is really not.
• Looking back to the last time my drinking took an upswing--I was self-medicating to numb my feelings. I lost half of my family the moment I told on Monster and disowned him. I will probably blog about that more in the future, but suffice it to say that I still lost half of my family at the end of the day. Maybe they were never a huge part of my life, maybe they never loved me anyway (they never showed me any shred of love, even as a little girl) and maybe they don't give a squat about what Monster did or didn't do. It doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things and drinking doesn't change it, nor does it make me forget --other than fleeting drunken lapses of memory. The ex-family and Monster are NOT worth a hangover. I've come to realize that I deserve better.

What does my future hold where alcohol is concerned? I will be moderating and testing my new relationship out with 'da booze until the Tuesday after Labor Day weekend. Then, I will jump into another Lose 'da Booze 100 Day Challenge. I know this is the right path for me and I'm happy to be sharing this journey with my new friends.

Introductionary

Bienvenidos! I'm Angela C. Marrero, a Cuban-American writer who lives in downstate Illinois with my husband and a small furry zoo. I don't plan to just blog about writing, though you will undoubtedly see a lot of that sort of talk.

I do want to give you a quick rundown of the things that beat my heart, so you have an expectation of what you might find here down the road:

• Music - local, indie, psych, blues, folk, rock, metal, classical, jazz, acid jazz, trip-hop, new age, music festivals, concerts, etc.
• Dance - I have two left feet, but it doesn't stop me from embarrassing myself with salsa and belly dance & hopefully some other styles that I feel compelled to try
• Writing - poetry, fantasy, sci-fi, creative non-fiction, thrillers, mainstream, allegory, metaphor
• Pets & Animals - we have two sweet elderly cats - a 14-year old black male and a 10-year old brown tabby, and two dogs - a 6-year old American Eskimo & a 6-year old Corgi/Border Collie mix and I love animals in general, but I'm very partial to baby harp seals (or any seal or sea lion), my spirit animal
• Technology - drones, databases
• Art - recycled arts, mail art, collage, pen & ink, mixed media, Zentangle, jewelry making, cross stitch, photography
• Food - Paleo - Autoimmune Protocol, recipes, herbs, healing herbs
• Fitness - weight loss, hiking, swimming, yoga, lifting weights, letterboxing
• Health - lupus, Sjogren's Syndrome, chronic migraine, vasculitis, arthritis, CFIDS, fibromyalgia...these are a portion of the autoimmune illnesses I've been diagnosed with and I have opted to treat the symptoms holistically
• Community/Social Issues - causes I support, fundraising, guerrilla poetry, random acts of kindness (RAKtivism)
• Books - mostly books I'm reading, but also ones I'm writing
• Spirituality - No dogma, but I am an agnostic Buddhist, humanist sort

*Note: The bolded words will be among the most heavily used tags

Another thing or two you should know about me. I use a pen name because using my legal name has become unsafe. I was abused physically, sexually and mentally by my biological father for the first 16 years of my life and I finally told on him 30 years later when it became apparent that he was still a dangerous pedophile despite supposed "years" of counseling. As a result, I will also not reveal the names of my friends & family so as to also keep them safe, but I would like to introduce you to some of the important people in my life and how I will refer to them:

Hubs - self explanatory. We've been married nearly 19 years.

Bebecita - my adult daughter

Cito - my future son-in-law (collectively, I usually call them the kids, bebecitos or the kidlets)

Loco - our crazy little black kitty

Stripes - our little tabby

Devil Doggie (or DD) - American Eskimo pup

Piggy Puppy (or PP) - our rescue pup

Freighbors - Our wonderful neighbors who have become good friends over the years & this term describes at least 7 of them

Squirrels - my belly dance troupe, also known as my dance sisters

Monster - biological father - I don't anticipate talking about him too much, but that is how I have been referring to him most of my adult life and I have a lot of work ahead of me since I'm still healing, so he's bound to creep and slime from the closet from time-to-time

As for my various other friends, I'll just use their initials. You might be wondering about the lack of other family members. My mother passed away several years ago, I'm an only child, and I only have a handful of cousins I speak to on the Cuban side--they are also among my closest friends, so I will use their initials as well.

Other things of note: I'm generally quirky, I have eclectic tastes in pretty much everything except Jimmy John's where I always order a #6 with sauce & light onions, I like bold, bright colors, I'm a terrible housekeeper (work in progress...following the Flylady for guidance right now), I have a bad habit of over-committing myself, I like whiskey and white wines, I have no sense of smell which causes some interesting experiments in the kitchen and I've been told that I smell like sandalwood incense (I haven't always suffered from anosmia & still burn my favorite incense as habit). I'm an open book except where it concerns my personal safety and the safety of those I love. If you'd like to learn more about me, please ask!